This is about the best thing you can do to pull six-pack ab babes. The patch says to the woman, ‘I’ve been in combat and survived.’ Her genes will make her go all soft for you. But let’s say you’ve not been in battle. How will you get an eyepatch? Now don’t be silly and do something stupid. Just buy one.
Stick it on when you go to the bar. It helps to limp a bit and I’ll explain why later. The most important thing with the eyepatch is to KEEP IT ON THE SAME EYE! Now this may sound absurd, but think ten Camparis down the line. You go into the toilet and wash your face. The patch comes off and confused by the mirror image you put it on the wrong eye. This is a no-no. It happened to me. The chick said after staring for some time, ‘didn’t you have that patch the other way round before?’ She left, later told her friends I was a fraud.
Why is it good to limp? Well, what happens if you the bird you are chatting up is, unbeknownst to you, going out with the head bouncer? The limp will save you. Are bouncers really going to beat up a man injured on the field of honour?
photo credit: lakewentworth via photopin cc
What happens if you wear glasses? Are there eye-patches that go over glasses?
It’s better not to wear glasses. This could put some women off for it represents possible defective DNA. But if you must then put the eye-patch under the glasses. You’re a woman obviously, so I guess your target is men. Patches work for getting males too because it usually means the chick has been in a bitch-fight and won–another indicator of strong genes. I lived with a drunk woman for a long time, she always had black eyes and it drove me into a sexual frenzy. But she also got me beaten up a lot as she was really keen to provoke men in the bar and they took it out on me, thumped me.
So, would this eyepatch be a fashion-wise accessory for a gramma who lives in Topeka and teaches Sunday School?
Gramma? I doubt anyone in that situation would still be out ‘gene hunting.’ I’ll soon be posting an item on all this called, ‘Grandma’s Checking Your DNA!’
I knew I’d come to the right place.